Terrible Outdoor Gifts: Please Don’t Buy These 10 Items for Your Outdoorsy Friends

There are so many gift guides out there. Heck, we publish several every year–which you should definitely go check out if you’ll be buying for an outdoorsy loved one this year (including our gift guide for outdoorsy folks).

But in our opinion, there aren’t enough anti gift guides floating around the internet these days. By which I mean, lists of items that outdoorsy folks absolutely do not want and you shouldn’t buy, that are more suitable for a white elephant gift exchange than an actual under-the-tree or eighth-night, carefully-wrapped, shows of love and affection.

So we decided to make one. Here are 10 gifts to skip this year if you’re shopping for an outdoor lover.

A caveat: Naturally, SOMEBODY will actually, sincerely want some of these things. I’m positive of it. But unless they ask for it BY NAME and send you a product link so you’re certain THAT is what they want, steer clear of these products. ‘Cause these are NOT one-size-fits-all outdoor gifts, K?

Gossamer Gear Crotch Pot

First of all, who named this thing? It’s really really bad. I mean, thru hikers–who this was, I presume, intended for–are a creative bunch, and love a good catchy nickname, but this is…something else.

Honestly, I thought it was one of those April Fool’s products at first, but no, no you can actually buy it. This is a real thing.

It works on the same principle as cold-soaking (preparing meals without a stove by soaking your dehydrated backpacking meal for hours in cold water) but you put your ingredients in this waterproof bag, fasten it to your waist like a hip pack, and let it dangle in front of your crotch, allowing your body heat to warm it.

But your hiker friend doesn’t want this. It doesn’t even get food to a temperature their mouth will register as “warm.” It’s going to be the same temperature as their body at best. Plus, they’ll be carrying food on their crotch. Just don’t do it.

Try this instead: Ask them how they life to prepare their meals, then consider an ultralight pot or a bunch of dehydrated meals or ingredients.

Camp Toilet Paper

Yes, you can buy tiny rolls of camp toilet paper without the tube. Usually it’s enough for a few nights in the backcountry. And because it’s small and inexpensive, you might be tempted to gift it a a stocking stuffer. Don’t. Because you know what your hiker friend already has at home? Toilet paper.

And yes, they can just take it off the roll, fold it up or create their own mini roll, and be on their merry way. They do not need a dedicated product packaged in plastic. It’s the same toilet paper.

Try this instead: If you’re going to get them backcountry bathroom products, at least get them some Pact compressed wipes.

Paracord Multi-Tool Bracelets

I am not exaggerating here–I have NEVER seen a single person take off a paracord bracelet and go, “hey, this’ll come in handy!” Never.

Because A.) once they have to use it, it will never be a bracelet again and then it’s just paracord. And B.) they probably already have plenty of paracord.

So don’t gift this. It’s not useful.

Try this instead: We love generic red whips and MODL Infinity Tools for attaching stuff. Bonus: they’re endlessly versatile.

Lights For Shoes

These are not a good gift. First of all, think about how you walk in the dark. Your head isn’t always pointing where your feet are, which renders these cheap products utterly useless for actually seeing where you’re going.

Second, what are your feet doing while you walk? Bouncing up and down and all over the place. Are you trying to give yourself and everyone in the campground a seizure? This gift moratorium goes for those hats with built-in lights, too. They’re not as functional as a separate headlamp and hat, so completely wasteful.

Try this instead: They probably also have a headlamp already. If that’s the case, check out these versatile BioLite Site Lites, which can be used on the included stakes or connected to cord for campsite light.

Titanium Chopsticks

If you need proof that the ultralight titanium craze has gone on long enough and needs to be stopped, this is it. I’m not ragging on chopsticks in general, here–I love eating with chopsticks, they’re very handy–but no one needs a $30 pair of ultralight titanium chopsticks. 

You know what works better and actually weighs less? Wooden chopsticks. Yeah, like the ones that came with your Chinese takeout. Also, those were technically free.

Don’t order Chinese takeout? Fun fact: you can buy a pack of reusable wooden chopsticks from your friendly neighborhood Asian supermarket for less than 5 bucks. So do that instead if you’re bent on gifting someone chopsticks.

Try this instead: Unrelated, but if it’s an ultralight gadget you want to gift, try something actually useful like this Alpenglow Fuel Transfer Device so they never waste a drop of backpacking stove fuel again.

Multitools

Unless they specifically asked for a multitool, do not get them a multitool. Ask me how many times I’ve thought to myself, you know what I need right now? A multitool.

Because even if people who backpack or camp want one heavy thing that cuts, saws, tightens a hex bolt, opens their beer, has a flat-head screwdriver and a pair of pliers, they already have it.

Besides, these are way more handy in their toolbox at home than in the backcountry. Especially if they’re an ultralight backpacker. Skip the multitool and get them something they’ll actually use.

Try this instead: If they are an ultralighter looking for an ultralight knife, these are what we prefer).

Female Urination Device

If there’s someone on your list who squats to pee, avoid the temptation to get them one of those female urination devices. If they asked specifically for one, then, sure, get them this one from Humangear (which is the only one we’ve ever used that actually works tolerably well), but if they didn’t…listen, those things are malfunction city. I’ve tried several, and let me tell you, no matter which one I use, there’s about a 50% chance I’m gonna pee on myself.

That’s not a good percentage.

Try this instead: Get them a pair of Gnara pants or shorts with that beautiful patented pee zipper. Congrats! You just got them their new favorite pair of hiking pants. On a budget? A Kula Cloth is a must-have for every hiker who squats to pee.

Camp Mug

Again, unless they specifically asked for one because they’re new to this whole camping or backpacking thing, do NOT get them a camp mug. You know how many camp mugs I have? Too many. And I’m not looking to replace any of them.

Plus, if I find a more ultralight version of my backpacking mug that I simply can’t live without, don’t worry, I’ll let you know. Otherwise, no more camp mugs.

Try this instead: Igf they’re still using a Smart Water bottle, tell them to ditch drinking microplastics and gift them a CNOC Vesica 1L bottle instead. It’s far more versatile and long lasting and can still be used with a water filter like a Sawyer.

Coffee Pour-Over Pouches

Coffee is a very personal thing, so gift it with extreme caution. Because unless you are intimately familiar with their coffee-preferences and practices, you’re gonna bomb this one. We personally have only tried one (zero-waste Coulée Coffee) that we actually like.

Mostly we’ve pawned off packages of pour-over coffee we’ve tried and hated on friends because it was a light roast or too fruity or just tasted terrible. So don’t get them a box of 20 pour-over pouches because the marketing implied it was awesome for camping.

Try this instead: Find out what they ACTUALLY like to drink when they go camping and how they prefer to make their coffee. Then get them that. But for instant, we love Alpine Start.

Spork

If I see one more spork in a stocking, so help me… Nobody needs another spork. You know how many sporks I have? Too many sporks. You know how many I use? None.

So do not look at all the bright colors and clever designs placed as bait next to the register at your favorite outdoor store and think, “Hey, what a fun stocking stuffer.”

Put. Down. The spork. It’s a wasteful product. It’s going to the bottom of their tub of outdoor gear where it will sit buried underneath tent footprints until the end of time.

No more sporks.

Try this instead: A long-handled spoon is much more useful when backpacking (when I don’t forget it, that is). But if they already have a utensil, get them a Mini Ditty spoon/toothrush cover/painkiller baggy/ear plug wrangler…

Bottom Line: Anti-Gift Guide for Outdoor Lovers

Could I think of at least ten more gifts to NOT get your outdoorsy friends? Yeah, probably. But I’m gonna stop there because I think you get the idea. Instead, I think it’d be more fun for you to comment below with what outdoorsy gifts YOU wish people would stop buying or think are absolutely worthless.

Personally, I can’t wait to read those comments so we can all laugh about it together. Then share this with a well-meaning but terrible gift giver in your life, watch the video version on YouTube, enjoy the season, and wander on.